referring to ‘intentional small communities’ (assuming you’re imagining a walkable, mixed-land use kinda urbanity) then you should look up new urbanism&(not to put a damper on your spirits) the problems of gentrification that it causes if not done right.
It’s actually not what I’m talking about, but yeah, I’m aware it’s not a perfect idea.
My overall point is in regards to an earlier conclusion I made, which was that adulthood was about learning how to be alone. My living situation lets me reconsider that there are ways not to that doesn’t necessarily involve either returning to family or creating a new one through marriage and kids.
I can’t really let my sister off the hook either. She’s a lot of fun to hang out with in general, and I do like her, but she has this way of warping everyone’s schedule around what she wants to do. So that also sort of shot out my plans for the evening.
I took her to my place to hang out a little, meet some of my friends. Sadly not many of them were around at the time, but she just wasn’t up for it at all. I had to sort of convince her to go along with coming here at all, and even then she couldn’t even stay half an hour.
Just… family, I swear. And people wonder why I’m quite comfortable living far away from them.
Why does it feel like half the errands or favours my mom asks me to do, they’re a complete pain in the ass?
A few of her friends are coming back from Vietnam and want to pass things to her. She asked me to meet them at the Hauptbahnhof to get them… before 8am on a Saturday morning.
Because they’re giving things to her, she also wants to give things to them, through me. She gave me two packages earlier. I came back to the restaurant at 10 in the evening with my sister, half tempted to forgo meeting my parents again but doing it just to be nice… and when she sees me she says “Great! I found out there are actually 3 of them coming so you have to go to our apartment and get one more package, and while you’re there can you also take the dog for a walk?
So here I am an hour later, with whatever I wanted to do tonight basically shot. Because I have to wake up early anyway. It’s so hard not to be abnoyed about this.
In one of my classes yesterday we talked about concepts of communities and societies, and how urbanisation had technically destroyed small communities but there were growing attempts to try and get back to that ideal, through all sorts of different ways.
Individualism is one of the creations of urbanisation, in a roundabout way. And one of the odd ways that the concept of the American Dream has insinuated itself into general ambitions of people is in the idea of having your own house, your own car, stuff like that. It’s about what’s yours, and not about sharing.
But as far as attempts to recreate small communities, we have things like communes, or intentional small living communities, or intentional living communities for retirees. Rather than being sent to an old person’s home, choosing to move in with a group of other people into collective housing… doesn’t sound all that bad.
Speaking on a personal level, I can really feel the difference between when I lived more or less alone, and when I’m living, now, with students in communal housing.
I can’t speak for everyone regarding preferences, but when you live alone it takes a lot more effort to engage in a social life. Especially when you’ve moved to a new city and don’t really know anyone and are starting a new job. Your only friends are your work friends, and because of that there’s always an odd barrier.
I have been living with about 11 people. There are 2-3 who don’t hang out so much with the rest, but most of them do. I can’t really nail down at all how much happier I am being able to easily hang out with people. When I was living more or less alone there was this sort of desperation to find partnership that’s… not really there anymore.
I stayed with a friend in Malaysia for a long time, and part of his whole struggle in adulthood was trying to deal with the fact that it’s just so much harder to make friends. It’s a sharp contrast between living among friends and living alone, And I couldn’t help asking myself later, I think I even wrote a post, about how adulthood really did mean dealing with the fact of being alone to deal with everything.
But you don’t necessarily have to. And that’s great.
Yeah I know. I wouldn’t have minded going walking with her and I understand the value of venting, but it’s odd to apparently see that one sided activity as bonding. I have the general feeling that she just wants to spend time with me, but she should think about how that time should be spent, and that she shouldn’t have to pay me to come to work for me to sit around and listen to her.
I would’ve been fine going walking with her yesterday but something important came up. I don’t want to be sleeping on a friend’s floor for too much longer if I can help it.
Next time I see her it’s probably worth a good talk about how time should be spent, but I’m really not optimistic about her capacity to consider the possibility that a majority of what I hear from her is complaining and that I might really not want to. She can be nice and cool, and I get that she’s under a lot of stress in general, but do I have to hear about it every time?
So I told my mom that Thursday evening shifts feel useless because, among other reasons, the most productive thing I do for 4 hours is listen to my mom vent about everything.
I didn’t mean it personally, people do need to vent, but she takes everything personally. So she wrote me this gem: “what you call venting, we call bonding. I guess it’s a generation gap.”
To be fair, I think she’s also still upset that I blew her off for something. She wanted to walk the Bahnhofstrasse with me one evening to see the Christmas lights and feel like a human being who does more than work all the time. I got a last minute appointment to go see a room at the same time she wanted to do that.
I haven’t told her about my living situation, nothing at all since moving here. For many reasons, it’s better she doesn’t know. So I guess she can feel bitter if she wants to for now, and I’ll tell her once things settle down more, but I can live with it.
I know the feeling. I’m currently really interested in this guy, but so obsessed with him probably not liking me that I take every one of his reactions as potential “okay, you creep me out” signs. It’s frustrating not to know for sure.
I’m finding it’s healthy just to take things as they come and take people at face value.
BUT it doesn’t always happen. I’d really like to hang out with this girl just as friends with no external agenda, but having already said (before I found out she had a boyfriend) hey let’s hang out, I don’t feel entirely comfortable just retreating headlong just because she’s attached, you know?
Because I actually would like to get to know her better. Friends are cool. Buuuuut… I dunno. Probably it’s nothing.
You ever have those times when you know you’re overthinking? You know that it’s probably not how you worry it is, but you still have this icky feeling…
There’s a girl I was interested in before, who I found out has a boyfriend, and I’m cool with hanging out with her anyway because the reason I was initially interested was exactly because she seemed like someone I’d like to know better.
But I might have come on a little strong early on and so my instinct is telling me that she’s backing off, but it might otherwise be nothing…
The past two weeks have been really interesting.
So my subletting contract ran out last weekend. I had a plan, because I had a really good feeling about a room to move into by today. I met them yesterday and it seemed to go really well, and they needed someone to move in right away which would have worked out for everyone.
But apparently since that building was allocated student apartments, they were under particular rules from the city of Zurich to only allow tenants under the age of 28.
So yesterday I spent all day waiting to hear about the room, and I assume they spent the day trying to make it happen, and now I’m stuck.
The great thing is that I spent the last few months building a lot of goodwill with my flatmates. This sounds more manipulative than it is. I just made friends, because I really wanted to. It’s really great living with friends and people I like, and I feel like I really contributed to what became a great family feeling.
Last week, my last official week living there, was wonderful. We all hung out a lot, enjoyed having each other around, all that.
All this contributed to them hosting me for last night, and maybe a few nights more. I slept remarkably well last night too.
Still, all this is coming at a bad time. Exams are coming and assignments are due, and this week my sister is in town. I’d love to hang out more with her, but with this living situation problem hanging over my head, in addition to everything else, it’s hard to know what to do or when I’ll have time for her.
She’s not really the kind of person who is easy to say no to, and in any case I would love to spend time with her. Based only on the things she wants to do it would be enough, like going for sushi, fondue and steak, but she’s also a lot of fun.
Well, we’ll see how it goes.
So it turns out there’s a valid explanation for why my French housemate speaks such great German. He’s half German. His mother came to visit and she speaks clear and fluent high German with him, and then he explained that his mum always speaks German with him and his dad always speaks French with him.
He elaborated that as a result he’s not quite 100% in either language, and that he grew up comfortably substituting words from either when he wasn’t sure, and that that wasn’t quite what one should aspire to… but it still sounds good to me.
I told my mother about it, and she responded right away by saying that she wanted to do that for me when I was little but I didn’t let her, and don’t I regret now not speaking better Vietnamese.
This is why I don’t tell her stories. She always takes them as judgments about her or at least she seems to always feel like she needs to be defensive. I wasn’t commenting on her parenting, just telling a story about my friends. I don’t have any serious emotional baggage regarding my childhood. I’m pretty cool with who I am and am happy to take responsibility for myself and not blame them for things. True, everyone has their stress buttons, but at the rate that I’m avoiding conversation topics with her because she’ll get annoying about them it’s really not ideal.
It’s pretty fascinating how an actor from a movie series so obviously exploited (seven times? Really?) can be so well loved.
The success of the franchise suggests indeed that whatever they may be, those films were popular and meant something to a lot of people.
What are you talking about? The Fast and the Furious?
Yeah. So much Facebook activity on my end about it.
I’ve always felt they were pretty dumb movies, in the harmless way that products specifically for certain markets are, but one friend years ago asserted to me that Tokyo Drift was “beautiful” and ultimately, who am I to say where people shouldn’t feel artistically touched?
I remember seeing Tokyo Drift on the big screen and it actually is beautiful to look at. The movie as a whole is meh, but I enjoyed it for its looks.
But seven movies? When did that happen?
Is it only six? I totally lost track and stopped paying attention.
Tokyp Drift did one interesting thing, which was examine the lifestyles of expat kids and military brats. There’s all this adaptation to moving to Japan, and then meeting the other foreign kids living there, which is probably the only time I’ve seen anything of it in film beyond simple exposition. This is not to mention that it’s an effective setup for why a podunk kid ends up hanging out with rich and potentially dangerous people.
But otherwise it was about cars and driving and a certain extent muscles.
(Fixed for reblogging as text)
I’m looking at a new room, and I’m somewhat optimistic about this one.
Regardless there are differences. It’s a nicer building in a quieter area, the rooms and facilities are new and rather lovely. It costs 200 francs more but that’s still within my budget.
But it’s much more of an exchange kind of place, with a few rooms dedicated to Erasmus students every semester. All that being the cade, I can already tell it’s much less social. The best part of ny old place was the family feeling we’ve started to grow together.
It’s definitely achievable again, but just sad to leave behind.